Blog

August 30, 2024

The importance of cultivating a trauma-sensitive environment

It is well-known that surveys found that around 50-70% of population in different countries reports at least experiencing one adverse childhood experience.  Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) include physical, sexual or emotional...

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August 16, 2024

Adults with childhood neglect – an invisible trauma

In our daily life or in my psychotherapy career, it is not easy to recognize adults with childhood neglect.  It is because many of them may live a normal life on...

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August 02, 2024

Mindfulness can improve body awareness and enhance performance during the game for the two Hong Kong gold medalists in the Paris Olympic Game

Hongkongers are thrilled to share the pride of Vivian Kong Man Wai and Edgar Cheung Ka Long being the gold-medalists of the Paris Olympic 2024.  Both were praised for their Hong...

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July 19, 2024

“Anxiety” in the movie Inside Out 2 and our sense of self

In the movie Inside Out 2, “Anxiety” is one of the new emotions joining the team in Riley’s mind.  As “Anxiety” thought Riley should focus on getting close to the popular...

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July 05, 2024

Our tendency to gain maximum control in relation to our obsession

A client of mine came to me and told me that she felt extremely sad due to missing out the opportunity to go to a famous conference for presentation.  Throughout the...

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June 21, 2024

Our tendency to avoid facing our fear of making changes

Half of 2024 is on the way passing, are you feeling stuck for not making the changes you want?  Do you feel fearful at the risk or uncomfortable feelings associated with...

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June 07, 2024

Sudden out-of-proportion anger outburst may be related to one’s childhood trauma

Sometimes, when we saw someone exhibiting sudden out-of-proportion anger outbursts, we may infer that this person probably has poor temper control.  We may be tempted to judge this person and differentiate...

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May 24, 2024

Letting go of our yearning for order and understanding

For those with tendency to procrastinate, one of the issues they encounter is that they rumination about having everything in order or having full understanding of everything.  In fact, it is...

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May 10, 2024

Sense of loneliness and emotional connection

It is common for a person living in a metropolitan city saying that one is having a sense of  loneliness even when being with a group of friends.  A client of...

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April 19, 2024

The vicious cycle of struggling during a depressive episode

Even though more people are being aware of the importance of destigmatization of mental illness, it is still difficult for one to accept being in a depressive episode.  On the contrary, some...

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April 12, 2024

The demanding part of a depressed person

Nowadays, well-being and happiness are important aspects that people striving to achieve.  Unknowingly, we all tend to present our best self with physical and mental well-being in front of others.  With...

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April 05, 2024

As a trauma-survivor, is the relationship between you and your therapist conducive to your healing?

To varying degree, we all may have trauma in our developmental history.  In the culture of striving for achievement and perfectionism, being criticized and demanded by our parents in the childhood...

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March 28, 2024

No time for mindfulness exercise?  Incorporate informal mindfulness practice in daily life

Nowadays, many people understand the benefits of regular mindfulness exercises, such as enhancing concentration and attention, emotional regulation, stress reduction, or pain management.  However, many clients told me that they cannot...

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March 22, 2024

What are the common symptoms of dissociation in people with childhood trauma?

A less known symptom in people who have history of childhood trauma is dissociation.  Usually, people are being aware of their depressive mood, anxiety, sleep problems, etc.  When they come to...

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March 15, 2024

Our addiction to our pleasurable feelings

From social media to delicious dessert, we may all experience our desire to obtain more pleasurable feelings from various channels.  When we made a posting on social media, we might be...

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March 08, 2024

To treasure the ordinary but essential in our life

A client of mine came to me and told me about her unexpectedly intense grief reaction towards the passing away of her dog.  She mentioned that she felt very empty and...

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March 01, 2024

How to learn to trust for those with wounds from childhood trauma?

When I walked to the MTR station today for work, I saw a lady walking her dog in the street.  The dog seemed to be a rescued and adopted dog.  Another...

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February 23, 2024

Seeing things with Beginner’s Mind

In my practice, it is common for my clients to ask me for a clinical diagnosis for their presenting problems.  Sometimes, they feel more certain for knowing that they have a...

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February 16, 2024

Can we separate good fortune and bad fortune?

Happy Year of Dragon! How did you celebrate Chinese New Year? Having lots of delicious meals? Getting lots of Lai See from relatives and friends?  It is our tradition to wish...

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February 08, 2024

To give ourselves space for our emotions during the grief process

In recent few months, there were sad news about suicides of some celebrities.  In fact, there were also many people in the general public committed suicides recently.  How can family members...

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January 26, 2024

The dichotomous thinking of shifting between striving for our desire and letting go of any wants

Minimalism is becoming more popular among those who embrace freedom and peace.  It is common for us to see people who live in this attitude to let go of all the...

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January 19, 2024

Happiness and peace for no reason

It is common for people to ask me how to feel happy and peaceful in daily life despite all the adversities and uncertainties. A client of mine told me that she...

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January 12, 2024

The persona of a competent person with smiling depression

We were shocked to see someone who suddenly committed suicide without a sign. Usually, these people were always appearing cheerful, sociable and capable in front of others. However, underlying their persona,...

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January 05, 2024

Taking care of our Happy Inner Child in 2024

Happy New Year!  In the beginning of 2024, you may have new plans to achieve in study or work.  Looking back 2023, are we finding ourselves busy with study or work...

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December 29, 2023

Two important tips for making new year resolution for 2024

It is beyond dispute that many people are experiencing a lot of uncertainty and sufferings in 2023.  Usually, at the end of the year, we hope for better and happier life...

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December 22, 2023

If you may be alone in this Christmas, cultivating positive solitude through mindfulness

Christmas is usually a time for reunion with family members and friends.  Most people look forward to parties and gatherings for socializing and sharing of their happy moments.  However, it is...

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December 15, 2023

Before judging, let us understand more about the impact of individual differences and environmental influences on one’s mental health

Very often, many clients asked me that given the same family environment in their childhood with their siblings, why not all siblings in the same family suffer from the same mental...

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December 08, 2023

Vulnerability is not weakness.  On the contrary, opening up to vulnerability makes us more grounded and solid.

Very often, when we face failure or setback, we heard our close ones telling us to be strong and tough.  When a lady found out her husband had extra-marital affair, her...

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December 01, 2023

In the movie, “Time Still Turns The Pages”, it is important not to judge and embrace the fact that we all are influenced by multiple biological and environmental factors

The movie, “Time Still Turns The Pages”, awakened our awareness of the impact of childhood trauma on a person’s psychological makeup and life trajectory.  Sometimes, people tended to judge those who...

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November 24, 2023

The possible ambivalence of women in the face of men with narcissistic personality traits

In my clinic work, it is common to see a lady repeatedly trapped in relationships with men who were abusive and manipulative.  Sometimes, these women were unable to get the support...

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November 17, 2023

If you are depressed, try to cultivate self-compassion

It is common for people suffering from depression to feel hopeless and helpless in their mental condition and external environment.  As a result, they do not have motivation in their life...

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November 10, 2023

What to do if you feel stuck in your current job due to heavy workload, bullying and unreasonable demand?

Despite the fact that work-life balance is a common value nowadays, many people are still feeling stuck in jobs stressed them out in terms of workload and interpersonal issues.  One of...

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November 03, 2023

What are the impacts of childhood trauma and When to seek therapy?

Have you ever come across a person who is grounded and calm even when he or she is facing chaos in one’s life?  On the contrary, have you ever met someone...

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October 27, 2023

People with depression think in more abstract terms during rumination

In my clinical practice, it is common for people with depression to frequently ruminate about their sense of self-worth.  For instance, one of my clients with depression suffered from sleep disturbance...

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October 20, 2023

Fear of abandonment in people with Borderline Personality Disorder

If you know someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), you might experience their frantic way of avoiding being abandoned by their significant others.  For instance, a client of mine worried a...

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October 13, 2023

Our depressive mood may be related to us trying to chase and catch the rainbow all the time

It is beyond dispute that we may all have aspiration of attainment of something.  For instances, a student aspiring to become a medical doctor, a lady hoping to get married and...

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October 06, 2023

How to be more aware of boundary violations and set healthy boundaries in workplace?

A client of mine felt irritable every Sunday evening without knowing the underlying reasons. On the surface, he could handle his work well and his boss was satisfied with his performance....

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September 29, 2023

Is having desire a bad thing that we should avoid?

We all experience the pulling force of our desire in our lives, from delicious food to extraordinary acheivement.  In our daily lives, the craving for more “likes” in our social media...

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September 22, 2023

Can we feel good even when we are alone?

It is beyond dispute that socializing with our family members or good friends is a joyful and fulfilling experience for many of us.  It is also the societal norms that having...

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September 08, 2023

How to use mindfulness to reduce reassurance seeking in OCD?

People with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) have both obsession and compulsion.  Obsession is the occurrence of unwanted intrusive thoughts, images, or urges that evoke anxiety and discomfort for the individual.  Compulsion...

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September 01, 2023

Ruminations in depression as an avoidance coping

One of the main features of depression is negative cognitions about self.  It is common for us to see people in a depressive episode to engage in continuous negative thought process. ...

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August 18, 2023

The lack of focus of the mental states of oneself and others in people with Borderline Personality Disorder

It is common for people to say that it is difficult to understand the behavior and thinking of people with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).  One of my clients with BPD threw...

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August 04, 2023

Being who really are with both our unique feminine and masculine qualities

Many people went to see the movie, “Barbie” recently.  Many of them may have one or a few Barbie dolls in their childhood.  Who does not fancy to become the stereotypical...

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July 21, 2023

Embracing our emotions in the face of loss

As we grow older, it is inevitable for us to face many losses in our lives.  For instances, we may go through grief for divorce, loss of our loved ones through...

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July 14, 2023

Mindfulness centered on the body as we are suffering from negative emotions

The recent death of the world-renowned artist Coco Lee saddened and shocked many of us.  Her sister stated that Coco had been suffering from depression for a few years.  It is...

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July 07, 2023

It is important to relate with narcissists with mindfulness

A client of mine had a boss who seemed to have traits of narcissistic personality.  He was bullied by his boss nearly every day in the office.  Whenever she passed his...

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June 23, 2023

How to set boundary in the workplace?

Many of my clients told me that there are a lot of uncertainties in the global economy and they are facing a lot of stressors in their lives.  One of the...

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June 16, 2023

In the face of challenges and difficulties, it is important for us to ground ourselves

One of my clients had gone through a rollercoaster ride of her emotions in recent promotional opportunity at work.  At the beginning, she held very high expectation on her application for...

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June 09, 2023

It is common that we tend to expell the part of ourselves that we found unacceptable onto others

A professional client of mine described an incident in which his client showed mistrust on his scheduling and thought he manipulated her.  He actually was a very honest and trustworthy professional...

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June 02, 2023

It is important to combine assertiveness with compassion in managing relationhship issues

It is common for all of us to think in a dichotomous term that either we should be assertive and focus on setting our boundaries with others or we should be...

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May 25, 2023

It is important for us to strike a balance between our subjectivity and objectivity

All of us may have experiences of realizing that our judgment on others basing on limited information may usually be different from the reality.  For instance, a customer service staff subjectively...

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May 12, 2023

Our identity is still emerging in middle adulthood

It is beyond dispute that emerging adulthood is a stage for young adults to explore and create possibilities in ones’ life.  It is common for us to see that the identity...

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May 05, 2023

Our mind is webbed, that is why we are so caught up sometimes

Whenever I suggested my clients to practice mindfulness in every day life, they sometimes told me that it is very difficult for them to stay focus to be mindful to their...

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April 28, 2023

What is dissociation? Is dissociative experience rare?

Have you ever got lost in a movie and are absorbed by it?  You may not realise the persons sitting next to you in the cinema are crying or using their...

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April 21, 2023

The healthy version of avoidant personality in the continuum

We may come across someone in our workplace or in our social circle who tend to enjoy solitary activity and seldom engage in group gatherings.  For instance, a client of mine,...

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March 24, 2023

The ambivalence of people with childhood trauma: the importance of embracing complex emotions towards parents

Most of the people have experience of having mixed emotions towards someone.  A client of mine was frequently being criticized and physicall abused by her father in childhood.  When she talked...

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March 17, 2023

Are you a Highly Sensitive Person? Non-pathologizing those with sensory processing sensitivity as we look into the research evidence.

Are you easily overwhlemed by external stimulation?  Do you have higher than average empathy?  Do you have high emotional reactivity?  If your answers are “yes” to these questions, you may have...

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March 10, 2023

How to regulate our emotions when we overreact to external stress?

Throughout our lives, we inevitably had experiences of stress.  Sometimes, due to our limitations and some environmental factors, we might be traumatized by these stressful incidents.  As a result, we might...

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February 24, 2023

Why some people repeatedly being trapped in relationships with narcissists?

It is quite common for us to see some people repeatedly dating similar abusive partners with narcissistic traits.  One of my clients was trapped in a romantic relationship with a man...

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February 17, 2023

Can we forgive ourselves and embrace our flaws?

A friend of mine shared an experience with me about having bought a fake jade in a street market during travelling. She mentioned that she was obsessed in searching for information...

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February 03, 2023

The different facets of people with Borderline Personality Disorders

If you come across people with Borderline Personality Disorders (BPD), you may find them very unpredictable.  Their mood and behaviors shift quickly and it is difficult for you to understand what...

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January 27, 2023

We did not fully develop our identity without fully accepting the damage of our trauma

It is common for people who had experienced childhood trauma to develop addiction in their lives.  Since the pain from their childhood trauma is longstanding and unbearable, people tend to suppress these...

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December 23, 2022

If you feel stuck, learn to listen to the voice of your inner child

It is common for us to reflect on our lives in the year end and make New Year’s resolution.  It is satisfying to be able to summarize the past one year...

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December 16, 2022

The more we try to control our anxiety in social situations, the more socially anxious we become

With the lessening of restrictions for social distancing due to Covid, people are enjoying more social gatherings and parties in December.  Many of my clients feel anxious about receiving more invitations...

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December 02, 2022

How to relate with immature parents without overreacting emotionally?

One my of client commented once, “I doubt the saying that all parents love their children and they will always be available for me emotionally.”  This client has a mother with...

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November 25, 2022

Why do people with depression cannot stop ruminating?

Rumination is actually common for most people when we face difficulties, challenges or crisis.  For instance, when we face an unexpected termination of a job, a coming meeting with an aggressive...

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November 18, 2022

It is common to be depressed about being depressed

A client of mine felt depressed and had low motivation for leisure activities after he had resigned for his stressful job.  He told me, “I feel depressed about myself having low...

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November 04, 2022

How to be more mindful when we relate with someone with narcissistic personality traits?

When we encounter someone with narcissistic personality traits in our social circle or in our family, it is difficult for us not to be trapped by their tactics of feeding their...

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October 28, 2022

Are you a people-pleaser? How to set boundaries and be more authentic in connection with others?

A client of mine had an enmeshed relationship with her narcissistic father, whom she needed to please and meet his unrealistic standard throughout her childhood.  Her tendency to please her father...

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October 07, 2022

How to cope with midlife crisis?

Due to medical advancement, the lifespan of human has been increased.  Middle adulthood is redefined and people around age 40 to 65 are at middle age.  In this stage of life,...

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September 30, 2022

Why some people think they are losers when making a mistake and other people do not?

One of my clients tended to think he was a loser whenever he made a mistake at work or in interpersonal relationships.  One day, he came to me and told me,...

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September 23, 2022

Creativity may be one of the ways to cope with our bereavement

One of my clients had gone through bereavement for her husband’s sudden death.  She was overwhelmed by her loss and seemed to be very depressed for a long time during the...

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September 16, 2022

Role coercion in interpersonal relationships for those who are being “too nice”

One of my clients told me that he usually ended up in friend groups of three and was being isolated by the other two persons.  This client is a very “nice...

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September 09, 2022

Are you feeling secure when being with your romantic partner?

Among my clients, many of them feel insecure in their relationship with their romantic partners.  They frequently felt worried about being betrayed or abandoned by their partners.  Since some of them...

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August 12, 2022

We avoid our feelings by worrying too much

A client of mine tended to worry a lot before giving a talk in front of a group of people.  He worried that his mind might go blank or he might...

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August 05, 2022

What is Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder?

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-V) reported that Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) is one of the most common personality disorders.  In fact, it is common...

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July 27, 2022

Disconnection with an immature parent

For those who come from an intact family with both parents providing them with sufficient basic needs, such as food, shelter, and education, it may be difficult for them to tell...

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July 15, 2022

From the complexity of human in the movie, “Broker”, to the dichotomous thinking of Borderline Personality Disorder

“Broker” is a Korean movie directed by a Japanese director, Kore-eda Hirokazu.  The actor in the leading role, Song Kang-Ho was also awarded best actor in the Festival De Cannes this...

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June 30, 2022

Borderline Personality Disorder – A lack of sense of self and internal stability

One of my clients with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) got triggered by her boyfriend’s recent heavy workload because he could not see her as much as he used to see her. ...

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June 10, 2022

The movie, Top Gun: Maverick, inspires us on bravery, a character strength that we need to embrace

Many people had watched the movie, Top Gun: Maverick, and were impressed by the cinematography and the strengths of bravery and persistence embraced in it.  Captain Pete Maverick Mitchell, a US...

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June 02, 2022

The bright and dark side of narcissism

One of my clients brought her husband to see me due to their difficult marital relationship.  With thorough interviews with the couple and each of them, I found that the husband...

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May 20, 2022

The lack of boundaries with an immature parent may cause difficulty to cultivate healthy adult relationships

In my clinical practice, a lot of my clients reported their parents as being immature and they are deprived of emotional support and guidance from them.  Most of my clients did...

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February 18, 2022

The way we attach to our partners depends on our social brain network

Relationships are the hot topic for this week as both Western and Chinese Valentine’s Days are in the same week.  Many couples celebrated these two Valentine’s Days in their special ways...

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February 11, 2022

What is the difference between psychotherapy and counselling?

More and more people are seeking psychological services in recent decades due to the increase awareness of the importance of psychological well-being.  When people are seeking help, they may have difficulties...

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November 26, 2021

Our own reminiscence and facing of impermanence in the movie “Anita Mui”

 A lot of people in town are talking about the biographical movie, “Anita Mui”.  Many people who had watched the movie had gone through a reminiscence of the energetic and vibrant...

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November 05, 2021

Your current pain may reflect your deepest unconnected values

A client of mine is suffering from depression and anxiety due to long-standing work stress.  With a lucrative salary and a high social economic status, he was reluctant to quit his...

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October 29, 2021

What is adult ADHD?

A client of mine has been working in his company for 15 years.  All along, he related well with his colleagues and had normal job performance.  However, after being promoted to...

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October 22, 2021

Who am I? Am I my illness? Am I my career? Am I my family roles?

When you meet a group of strangers in a networking event, what would you tell these people about yourself?  If this networking event is a work-related function, you may tell these...

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October 08, 2021

Personality disorders and infidelity

It is common to see infidelity in drama and movies.  In reality, infidelity is more common than you think.  According to an article in Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, more...

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September 17, 2021

The grieving of an absence of parental figures is important for the later stage in resolving childhood trauma

In the newly released Marvel movie “Shang-chi”, one of the most impressive presentation was the relationship between Shang-chi and his father, Wenwu.  As Shang-chi lost his mother at young age and...

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