Blog

September 29, 2023

Is having desire a bad thing that we should avoid?

We all experience the pulling force of our desire in our lives, from delicious food to extraordinary acheivement.  In our daily lives, the craving for more “likes” in our social media...

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September 22, 2023

Can we feel good even when we are alone?

It is beyond dispute that socializing with our family members or good friends is a joyful and fulfilling experience for many of us.  It is also the societal norms that having...

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September 15, 2023

Resilience in facing the “once-in-100-years” rainstorm in Hong Kong

The, what is called, the “once-in-100-years” rainstorm happened last Friday in Hong Kong shut down the whole city and caused a lot of damage and injuries.  Given this unexpected rainstorm, many...

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September 08, 2023

How to use mindfulness to reduce reassurance seeking in OCD?

People with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) have both obsession and compulsion.  Obsession is the occurrence of unwanted intrusive thoughts, images, or urges that evoke anxiety and discomfort for the individual.  Compulsion...

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September 01, 2023

Ruminations in depression as an avoidance coping

One of the main features of depression is negative cognitions about self.  It is common for us to see people in a depressive episode to engage in continuous negative thought process. ...

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August 25, 2023

When someone feels angry, is he or she really angry deep down?

One of my clients told me that she had an intense temper outburst after knowing her boyfriend lied to her about going out with another girl.  She was so angry at...

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August 18, 2023

The lack of focus of the mental states of oneself and others in people with Borderline Personality Disorder

It is common for people to say that it is difficult to understand the behavior and thinking of people with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).  One of my clients with BPD threw...

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August 11, 2023

Pain is inevitable in our life and suffering may be avoidable

After seeing the movie, Oppenheimer, I discussed with my friends about if we were Oppenheimer, would we decide to lead the Manhattan Project given the possibility of being involved in political...

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August 04, 2023

Being who really are with both our unique feminine and masculine qualities

Many people went to see the movie, “Barbie” recently.  Many of them may have one or a few Barbie dolls in their childhood.  Who does not fancy to become the stereotypical...

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July 28, 2023

Healthy boundaries in using mobile phone and social media

Some surveys showed that the average usage of mobile phones for a person is around three hours each day.  People are scrolling their phones everywhere, such as bus, restaurant, clinic, or...

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July 21, 2023

Embracing our emotions in the face of loss

As we grow older, it is inevitable for us to face many losses in our lives.  For instances, we may go through grief for divorce, loss of our loved ones through...

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July 14, 2023

Mindfulness centered on the body as we are suffering from negative emotions

The recent death of the world-renowned artist Coco Lee saddened and shocked many of us.  Her sister stated that Coco had been suffering from depression for a few years.  It is...

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July 07, 2023

It is important to relate with narcissists with mindfulness

A client of mine had a boss who seemed to have traits of narcissistic personality.  He was bullied by his boss nearly every day in the office.  Whenever she passed his...

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June 30, 2023

How could we better deal with our negative emotions and cognitions?

When we face challenges or difficulties, it is common for us to experience negative emotions, such as sadness, anxiety or anger.  It is natural that we tend to try hard to...

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June 23, 2023

How to set boundary in the workplace?

Many of my clients told me that there are a lot of uncertainties in the global economy and they are facing a lot of stressors in their lives.  One of the...

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June 16, 2023

In the face of challenges and difficulties, it is important for us to ground ourselves

One of my clients had gone through a rollercoaster ride of her emotions in recent promotional opportunity at work.  At the beginning, she held very high expectation on her application for...

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June 09, 2023

It is common that we tend to expell the part of ourselves that we found unacceptable onto others

A professional client of mine described an incident in which his client showed mistrust on his scheduling and thought he manipulated her.  He actually was a very honest and trustworthy professional...

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June 02, 2023

It is important to combine assertiveness with compassion in managing relationhship issues

It is common for all of us to think in a dichotomous term that either we should be assertive and focus on setting our boundaries with others or we should be...

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May 25, 2023

It is important for us to strike a balance between our subjectivity and objectivity

All of us may have experiences of realizing that our judgment on others basing on limited information may usually be different from the reality.  For instance, a customer service staff subjectively...

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May 19, 2023

It is necessary for us to embrace our vulnerabilities for grounding ourselves

In my clinical practice, it is common for perfectionists to seek help from me due to various reasons. For instance, a lady could not accept herself making mistakes at work and...

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May 12, 2023

Our identity is still emerging in middle adulthood

It is beyond dispute that emerging adulthood is a stage for young adults to explore and create possibilities in ones’ life.  It is common for us to see that the identity...

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May 05, 2023

Our mind is webbed, that is why we are so caught up sometimes

Whenever I suggested my clients to practice mindfulness in every day life, they sometimes told me that it is very difficult for them to stay focus to be mindful to their...

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April 28, 2023

What is dissociation? Is dissociative experience rare?

Have you ever got lost in a movie and are absorbed by it?  You may not realise the persons sitting next to you in the cinema are crying or using their...

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April 21, 2023

The healthy version of avoidant personality in the continuum

We may come across someone in our workplace or in our social circle who tend to enjoy solitary activity and seldom engage in group gatherings.  For instance, a client of mine,...

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April 14, 2023

Who am I? Do I define myself by external realities?

Through socialization, we learned to define ourselves basing on our external realities.  For instance, one of my clients identified herself as a “bad daughter-in-law” due to her poor relationship with her...

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April 06, 2023

To be at peace with the negative aspects of people in our environment

Some of my clients are really kind and nice persons to me. They frequently are being bothered by the politics of their workplace.  Even though some of them are already good...

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March 31, 2023

Moderation in openness to our anxiety and fear

Anxiety and fear are common emotions.  Functionally, these two emotions are signals for us to be alert to threats and danger.  In my clinical experience, clients often tend to obsess in...

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March 24, 2023

The ambivalence of people with childhood trauma: the importance of embracing complex emotions towards parents

Most of the people have experience of having mixed emotions towards someone.  A client of mine was frequently being criticized and physicall abused by her father in childhood.  When she talked...

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March 17, 2023

Are you a Highly Sensitive Person? Non-pathologizing those with sensory processing sensitivity as we look into the research evidence.

Are you easily overwhlemed by external stimulation?  Do you have higher than average empathy?  Do you have high emotional reactivity?  If your answers are “yes” to these questions, you may have...

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March 10, 2023

How to regulate our emotions when we overreact to external stress?

Throughout our lives, we inevitably had experiences of stress.  Sometimes, due to our limitations and some environmental factors, we might be traumatized by these stressful incidents.  As a result, we might...

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February 24, 2023

Why some people repeatedly being trapped in relationships with narcissists?

It is quite common for us to see some people repeatedly dating similar abusive partners with narcissistic traits.  One of my clients was trapped in a romantic relationship with a man...

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February 17, 2023

Can we forgive ourselves and embrace our flaws?

A friend of mine shared an experience with me about having bought a fake jade in a street market during travelling. She mentioned that she was obsessed in searching for information...

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February 10, 2023

Is there only one way to celebrate the Valentine’s Day?

For many people, celebrating the Valentine’s Day is important as it is the time for them to show their love to their another half.  Lovers are looking forward to enjoy a...

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February 03, 2023

The different facets of people with Borderline Personality Disorders

If you come across people with Borderline Personality Disorders (BPD), you may find them very unpredictable.  Their mood and behaviors shift quickly and it is difficult for you to understand what...

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January 27, 2023

We did not fully develop our identity without fully accepting the damage of our trauma

It is common for people who had experienced childhood trauma to develop addiction in their lives.  Since the pain from their childhood trauma is longstanding and unbearable, people tend to suppress these...

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January 20, 2023

Who am I? Is my identity based on external phenomena I identified with?

A client of mine is a very successful professional.  However, she tends to see herself as inferior to others all along.  Due to her humble family background and experience of being abused by...

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January 13, 2023

Bring back our attention to act according to our values in 2023

In the beginning of 2023, we may start to make New Year’s resolution or even some long-term aspirations.  For some people, it may provoke their emotions because they may find themselves...

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December 23, 2022

If you feel stuck, learn to listen to the voice of your inner child

It is common for us to reflect on our lives in the year end and make New Year’s resolution.  It is satisfying to be able to summarize the past one year...

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December 16, 2022

The more we try to control our anxiety in social situations, the more socially anxious we become

With the lessening of restrictions for social distancing due to Covid, people are enjoying more social gatherings and parties in December.  Many of my clients feel anxious about receiving more invitations...

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December 09, 2022

The paradox of practicing mindfulness in managing emotions

In my clinical practic, I frequently incorporated mindfulness practice to help my clients with different issues.  Quite often, my clients may say, “I tried to practice the mindfulness exercise you teach...

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December 02, 2022

How to relate with immature parents without overreacting emotionally?

One my of client commented once, “I doubt the saying that all parents love their children and they will always be available for me emotionally.”  This client has a mother with...

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November 25, 2022

Why do people with depression cannot stop ruminating?

Rumination is actually common for most people when we face difficulties, challenges or crisis.  For instance, when we face an unexpected termination of a job, a coming meeting with an aggressive...

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November 18, 2022

It is common to be depressed about being depressed

A client of mine felt depressed and had low motivation for leisure activities after he had resigned for his stressful job.  He told me, “I feel depressed about myself having low...

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November 11, 2022

The circular trap of life as meaningless when we downplay our thoughts

I was questioned by my client one day that if we accept our thoughts as it is but not as facts, there seems to be no meaning in our lives anymore. ...

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November 04, 2022

How to be more mindful when we relate with someone with narcissistic personality traits?

When we encounter someone with narcissistic personality traits in our social circle or in our family, it is difficult for us not to be trapped by their tactics of feeding their...

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October 28, 2022

Are you a people-pleaser? How to set boundaries and be more authentic in connection with others?

A client of mine had an enmeshed relationship with her narcissistic father, whom she needed to please and meet his unrealistic standard throughout her childhood.  Her tendency to please her father...

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October 21, 2022

How to enjoy our travelling with mindfulness?

With the loosening of restrictions for quarantine, many people in Hong Kong packed their bags and went to travel in recent one month.  It is common to hear people saying, “I...

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October 14, 2022

The difference between our automatic thinking and conscious, deliberate thinking

In one of my couple counselling sessions, the husband complained about the wife’s accusation on him for being selfish and not willing to do mundane household chores.  One day, the wife...

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October 07, 2022

How to cope with midlife crisis?

Due to medical advancement, the lifespan of human has been increased.  Middle adulthood is redefined and people around age 40 to 65 are at middle age.  In this stage of life,...

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September 30, 2022

Why some people think they are losers when making a mistake and other people do not?

One of my clients tended to think he was a loser whenever he made a mistake at work or in interpersonal relationships.  One day, he came to me and told me,...

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September 23, 2022

Creativity may be one of the ways to cope with our bereavement

One of my clients had gone through bereavement for her husband’s sudden death.  She was overwhelmed by her loss and seemed to be very depressed for a long time during the...

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September 16, 2022

Role coercion in interpersonal relationships for those who are being “too nice”

One of my clients told me that he usually ended up in friend groups of three and was being isolated by the other two persons.  This client is a very “nice...

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September 09, 2022

Are you feeling secure when being with your romantic partner?

Among my clients, many of them feel insecure in their relationship with their romantic partners.  They frequently felt worried about being betrayed or abandoned by their partners.  Since some of them...

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September 02, 2022

Why do some of your friends tend to avoid social situations?

Among our friends, we may be able to spot some who tend to avoid social situations.  One of the possible reasons for their avoidance may be due to their fear of...

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August 26, 2022

Why do some people surprised their friends after a long term disconnection with them?

It has been a long while since the start of the outbreak of COVID-19.  Many people have not seen their friends for a long time.  In recent few months, the relaxation...

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August 19, 2022

In the face of this chaotic world, we need to build our emotional tolerance for all of our complex emotions

Besides sadness, anger and fear or anxiety, we may also frequently experience some complex emotions in the face of this chaotic and frantic world.  These emotions may include guilt, jealousy, envy...

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August 12, 2022

We avoid our feelings by worrying too much

A client of mine tended to worry a lot before giving a talk in front of a group of people.  He worried that his mind might go blank or he might...

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August 05, 2022

What is Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder?

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-V) reported that Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) is one of the most common personality disorders.  In fact, it is common...

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July 27, 2022

Disconnection with an immature parent

For those who come from an intact family with both parents providing them with sufficient basic needs, such as food, shelter, and education, it may be difficult for them to tell...

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July 15, 2022

From the complexity of human in the movie, “Broker”, to the dichotomous thinking of Borderline Personality Disorder

“Broker” is a Korean movie directed by a Japanese director, Kore-eda Hirokazu.  The actor in the leading role, Song Kang-Ho was also awarded best actor in the Festival De Cannes this...

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June 30, 2022

Borderline Personality Disorder – A lack of sense of self and internal stability

One of my clients with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) got triggered by her boyfriend’s recent heavy workload because he could not see her as much as he used to see her. ...

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June 24, 2022

Why do some people have no capacity to be alone?

Some of my clients were unable to be alone and constantly needed the companion of others.  If they lived alone, they needed to be in contact with their family members or...

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June 10, 2022

The movie, Top Gun: Maverick, inspires us on bravery, a character strength that we need to embrace

Many people had watched the movie, Top Gun: Maverick, and were impressed by the cinematography and the strengths of bravery and persistence embraced in it.  Captain Pete Maverick Mitchell, a US...

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June 02, 2022

The bright and dark side of narcissism

One of my clients brought her husband to see me due to their difficult marital relationship.  With thorough interviews with the couple and each of them, I found that the husband...

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May 20, 2022

The lack of boundaries with an immature parent may cause difficulty to cultivate healthy adult relationships

In my clinical practice, a lot of my clients reported their parents as being immature and they are deprived of emotional support and guidance from them.  Most of my clients did...

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March 18, 2022

Are we trying to compare with others to find our true self?

According to the estimation of the government, there are approximately 300,000 people being quarantined due to Covid infection or their family members being infected.  It is beyond dispute that those who...

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February 18, 2022

The way we attach to our partners depends on our social brain network

Relationships are the hot topic for this week as both Western and Chinese Valentine’s Days are in the same week.  Many couples celebrated these two Valentine’s Days in their special ways...

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February 11, 2022

What is the difference between psychotherapy and counselling?

More and more people are seeking psychological services in recent decades due to the increase awareness of the importance of psychological well-being.  When people are seeking help, they may have difficulties...

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December 10, 2021

Being creative in finding our strengths and excel in our lives

A client of mine with social anxiety issues found himself very shy and quiet at workplace after his graduation in the university business school.  He thought he was very inadequate in...

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November 26, 2021

Our own reminiscence and facing of impermanence in the movie “Anita Mui”

 A lot of people in town are talking about the biographical movie, “Anita Mui”.  Many people who had watched the movie had gone through a reminiscence of the energetic and vibrant...

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November 19, 2021

Are you in an enmeshed relationship without boundary?

There are a lot of clients of mine being trapped in enmeshed relationships with their significant others, such as parents or spouses.  For instance, a wife is totally dependent on her...

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November 05, 2021

Your current pain may reflect your deepest unconnected values

A client of mine is suffering from depression and anxiety due to long-standing work stress.  With a lucrative salary and a high social economic status, he was reluctant to quit his...

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October 29, 2021

What is adult ADHD?

A client of mine has been working in his company for 15 years.  All along, he related well with his colleagues and had normal job performance.  However, after being promoted to...

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October 22, 2021

Who am I? Am I my illness? Am I my career? Am I my family roles?

When you meet a group of strangers in a networking event, what would you tell these people about yourself?  If this networking event is a work-related function, you may tell these...

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October 08, 2021

Personality disorders and infidelity

It is common to see infidelity in drama and movies.  In reality, infidelity is more common than you think.  According to an article in Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, more...

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September 17, 2021

The grieving of an absence of parental figures is important for the later stage in resolving childhood trauma

In the newly released Marvel movie “Shang-chi”, one of the most impressive presentation was the relationship between Shang-chi and his father, Wenwu.  As Shang-chi lost his mother at young age and...

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September 10, 2021

What is psychotherapy in neuroscientific perspective?

Throughout the 20 years of my practice as a clinical psychologist, many people asked me similar questions, “Is psychotherapy just a chit chat?” “How does chit chat in psychotherapy different from...

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