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March 08, 2024
To treasure the ordinary but essential in our life
A client of mine came to me and told me about her unexpectedly intense grief reaction towards the passing away of her dog. She mentioned that she felt very empty and sad for a few weeks even after accompanying her dog to go through cancer treatment and expecting her death due to exacerbation of her illness. She described that whenever she noticed things at home related to her dog, her memories of those ordinary things she did with the dog popped up in her mind. As her dog came to her every morning when she woke up, she had difficulty to adjust to the life without her dog coming to her as a routine. She reflected that this is so ordinary to her, but so essential in her life. She felt lost for losing this simple relatedness with her dog in her daily life. In fact, she worried that her grief reaction was excessive, and she should investigate it for any hidden psychological issues.
With thorough exploration, this client was achievement-oriented all along. She also spent all her effort in presenting a perfect “self” to others. She worked long hours and made sure all her work was flawless. She also focused a lot of time to decorate her home and frequently invited friends to show her style and taste. She also tried to please all her friends and present herself as very popular socially on social media. She obsessed in making posting to showcase her social life and artistic taste. As she was living alone, she psychologically attached to her dog as a support without knowing it. The daily routine she had done with her dog, including hugging and playing, contributing to her groundedness. However, she was never being mindful of these simple but important interactions with her dog.
The grief my client undergoing is probably normal for someone who is so attached to their pets without conscious awareness. The sadness, emptiness and loss might help my client to reconnect with herself psychologically. With compassion and acceptance, my client could learn to go through this grief process by experiencing all the emotions and thoughts associated with the loss. As a result, my client reflected that she missed a lot of precious moments connecting with her dog in ordinary routine without mindful awareness. Further exploration revealed her obsession in presenting her perfect persona in others all along. This prevented her from connecting to herself as well as others, including her dog, who are important to her.
The loss of her dog is beyond dispute a sad experience to my client. From another perspective, my client obtained a new view on how to live her life. She started to ask herself, what is the most essential thing in her life? It seems that she gradually finds the answer to this question.