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When I walked to the MTR station today for work, I saw a lady walking her dog in the street.  The dog seemed to be a rescued and adopted dog.  Another old lady was walking nearby with a trolley.  The dog was reluctant to follow the lady to continue the walk.  The dog seemed scared and worried that there might be threat in front of her.  Despite walking with the owner, the dog could not trust that it was safe in the street.  It is a common phenomenon for dogs had been abused by previous owners to have difficulty to trust people in general.  In fact, similar to abused dogs, people with wounds from childhood trauma was also found to have difficulty in trusting others.  They might either not trusting anyone and kept a distant with all people.  On the contrary, some of them might mistakenly trust someone who manipulated or abused them.

If an adult was being harmed by one’s significant family members in childhood, it makes sense for them to be more on guarded to anyone they come across in their lives.  They might have a belief, if someone supposed to provide love and care to me in childhood harmed me, it is likely that those who are not my family members is going to harm me.  How could they learn to trust when they grow up?

It is important for them to understand that trust is not a dichotomous concept.  That is, it is not we need to decide whether to trust someone totally or not trusting someone totally.  We need to decide whether to trust someone moment-by-moment and case-by-case.  It is because all people have bright and dark sides.  Sometimes, they might have good intention and we could trust them and relate with them.  Sometimes, there might be some factors contributing them to harbor self-centered intention and we need to be aware and not trusting them totally.  To be able to do this, we need to cultivate mindful awareness in our encounter with someone in the present moment.

For instance, for the dog I mentioned above, if the dog were a human being and were mindful about the present moment.  The dog might be able to be aware of the fear and mistrust on the old lady walking nearby.  This mindful awareness of the thinking about there might be threat or danger could make the dog maintain a distant from the fear.  Thereafter, the dog could observe more clearly about the trolley carried by the old lady and assess whether there is a danger further.  If the dog found no associated danger, then the fear might subside and trust for the situation that it was safe might be increased.  Of course, this is only a hypothetical example, the dog in real life might have no capacity to understand what a trolley is.

To be able to do this, we need to have regular mindfulness practice and be mindful to our encounter with anyone.  This is a long-term journey for those with wounds from childhood trauma.  With practice, these people can learn to have healthier relationships with others in their lives.