A client of mine felt irritable every Sunday evening without knowing the underlying reasons. On the surface, he could handle his work well and his boss was satisfied with his performance. After detailed discussion of his work environment, it was found that he did not know there are boundary violations in his workplace, let alone knowing that he needs to set appropriate boundaries at workplace. He was asked to involve in different projects outside his team. Whenever his colleagues requested him to help them on some projects not in his scope of work, he agreed to work for them outside office hours. As a result, he took up workload of more than three head-counts without extra compensation. Furthermore, as he is an introvert, he felt reluctant to join after work social activities with his colleagues. Since his colleagues enjoyed gossiping during drinks after work, he felt quite uncomfortable to listen to the gossip. His colleagues also asked him about his personal life during the drinks. Because he worried that his colleagues might isolate him if he refused to join gossiping, he never say no to any invitation for after work gatherings. Every time after these gatherings, he felt very drained after going back home. He felt so tired that he could do nothing at home but just sat there and idled himself. How could he be more aware of violation of boundaries in workplace and learn more effective strategies to set healthy boundaries?
To be more aware of boundary violations, my client needs to tune into his inner feelings more whenever he had interactions with his colleagues. Since he tended to block off his inner feelings, he could learn to get in touch with his bodily sensations. For instance, he could focus on his pressure on his chest when his colleagues asked him to get involved in projects outside his team. Through the observation of the pressure on his chest, he could reflect on his inner feelings towards being requested to do extra work out of his work scope. If he felt reluctant to take up this work after the reflection, he needed to be assertive to refuse to take up the work in a diplomatic way. He could say to his colleagues, “I have too many projects to do currently, I cannot take up your project. Could you ask other colleagues who might be able to help?”
After the client has increased awareness on his boundaries, he could politely voice out his preference for social gatherings outside office hours. For example, he could say no to any request for after work gatherings if he knew gossiping would be involved. Whenever his colleagues brought up office gossip, he could make a clear statement of his disinterest in a diplomatic way. He could say, “I have lots of pending work to complete today, I think I want to skip this.”
Violation of boundaries is common in workplace. Sometimes, we might even find our work environment being toxic. In fact, before the toxic condition could be changed, we need to learn to be brave enough to set healthy boundaries to protect our mental health. It is important for us to identify “healthy people” in our work environment and try to have alliance with them. If our boss is not involved in office toxicity, we might consider to seek his or her help. If the stress for office toxicity is too high, it is necessary to seek professional help outside work.
